Columnist Anne Hart shares the story of a mom's unconditional love of her youngest son after he told her he was gay. We've all heard about parents who reject their child after learning he or she is gay.

Such parents hide photos of their offspring. They don't speak their names. They condemn homosexuality as against the Bible, against God.

I don't understand such intolerance. Neither does Marianne Brouillette.

The youngest of her three sons - the one who jokingly calls himself her favorite - told her he was gay when he was 30. She wasn't surprised.

Years earlier, when he was 16, she had asked him if he was gay.

She told him then she didn't know how they would deal with it, but that they would.

"That whatever it is, it will be OK," Marianne recalls telling him.

But Robert "Bob" Dunn didn't have the confidence to tell her the truth. He lied then, told his mom "no."

He thought if he prayed hard, his attraction to boys would go away. If he just went to church more, maybe he'd stop developing crushes on the guys down the street. On Batman. On the baseball umpire. Even on Timmy from Lassie.

"Nobody wants to grow up being called a faggot or a queer," Bob said. "I wasn't ready for that." He wasn't ready to be ostracized by a nation that sees male and female unions as the sole legitimate ones.

Fourteen years, a failed marriage and two children later, Bob finally admitted first to himself, then to his loved ones, that he was what he was.

Marianne wasn't upset by Bob's homosexuality. She was upset about his dishonesty about it. She feared her son had seen her as the type of mother who would turn her back, cut him out of her life.

She also worried how his sexual orientation would affect his career, his co-workers, but especially his children. She didn't want her son to be hurt. Nor her grandchildren.

Today, Marianne and Bob are tight. He and his partner of 15 years, Todd Mauldin, live one street away from her in Savannah's Parkside neighborhood. The three have dinner together about twice a week and bowl in the same league.

Marianne, divorced since Bob was 5, helps the couple with sound advice when it comes to Bob's two children, 20 and 17.

Marianne refers to Todd as her son-in-law, serves on the board of Stand Out Youth Inc., a local support network for youngsters confused about their sexuality, and hopes to see her son and Todd legally marry in her lifetime.

"In her mind's eye, the relationship between Bob and me is on an equal level of any heterosexual relationship," Todd said. Marianne's unconditional love teaches a much-needed lesson for those who wrongly believe it's OK to treat people who are different differently.

To subject them to another set of rules: no marriage, no military service, no acceptance.

To preach honesty to children, yet doom them to dishonesty when they don't flow with the mainstream idea of normal.

Marianne is a soft-spoken woman who grew up knowing very little about gay lifestyles. She was raised Catholic in upstate New York, became a tax professional and worked for the IRS.

The first time Bob brought Todd home, Marianne made the two sleep in separate bedrooms.

Hardly the poster child for acceptance.

But Marianne had been taught a simple rule while growing up: Don't dismiss someone because he or she is different.

She passed that lesson onto her sons. There was no room in her house for prejudice of any kind.

"I can't imagine how you could give birth to a child, raise a child and then just because that child didn't fit into your mold, you would disown a child," Marianne said.

After Bob came out to his family, Marianne gave him the children's book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.

When he finished reading it, Bob knew he was loved unconditionally.

Such support helps Bob and Todd nourish their relationship, despite the absence of legal documents, validation from society and all the other benefits heterosexual couples have.

The two men wear rings like other couples. Only theirs are on their right hands so others will understand they have a different relationship, but one that's equally as valid as any other.

They're quick to introduce one another as "my life partner" or "my husband."

Never "my boyfriend."

That would be dishonest, not faithful to the spirit and reality of their long-term, committed relationship.

You only lie when you have something to hide.

Bob doesn't.

He's accepted himself.

As his mother always did, loving him for who he is, not what he is.

An approach all of us should take.

Reach Anne Hart at 652-0374 or anne.hart@savannahnow.com.
Anne's Sunday columns